We’re Here Now

For a while, I have felt like I couldn’t breathe. I mean, I could breathe but you know, it felt so arduous and I just wanted a break but there hasn’t been time for a break and if I am being honest, I am not sure I would have known how to take one.

So, I continued with my life. I continued to exist in this super tired space, even though I had no idea why I was constantly tired. I continued to struggle to fall asleep. For weeks, I couldn’t fall asleep without music, then music was no longer enough and I had to seek other aids.

I am finally sleeping now, which really ought to be a ‘Yayyyyy’ moment but it’s not…

I’ll fall asleep and just be a log for X number of hours then wake up in the morning and be so over it, so tired, so unmotivated and I would have to give myself a pep talk to get out of that bed. It became so insane that, I couldn’t successfully do that one thing I love which is write and post here. I have a tonne of ideas but it’s been…  just really hard.

Then yesterday, something happened, I’d like to consider that it was the universe reaching out to me. It happened in two parts.

I came across this quote (that was for specifically written for writers- and I like to consider myself one) ‘Write for yourself, speak to everyone.’ And that’s what I’d like to think I am doing with this post, I could be wrong. But it gave me the psyche to just write and stay writing even I felt like my writing was sub standard. Even when it felt like for other people, for this blog; it wasn’t good enough… I’ll write because it’s giving me purpose(?)

The second thing happened as a coincidence and in a weird sequence.

1.  I couldn’t keep calm.

2. I recently messed around with a friend telling them I’ll be sending out positivity each day, but somehow I meant it.

I downloaded the Canva app on my phone and started messing around. Canva is really like design for dummies, especially the app. I made a few artworks that were just really crappy if I am being honest, butttttttt…. It made me so happy to have made them. And my epiphany was born in that state| moment. It’s really simple; to just do something specifically for me, just for me, just one thing each day. Today’s thing is this post.

Will be back to regular programming tomorrow with the last post of year (Taking Stock of 2017 anyone?) in the meantime, I am sending out love and wishing you all the potatoes in the world. Thanks for paying attention to my ramblings. 

Featured image by @MissKadzitu






6 responses to “We’re Here Now”

  1. Joseph Avatar

    Great!!! writing can be tough; especially when you have a perfectionist mentality. But, I learned one thing, to overcome writer’s block; just write. Really enjoyed your “ramblings” and hoping for more next year. Happy hols

    1. Veon Ngugi Avatar
      Veon Ngugi

      Thank you Joseph. Really hoping for greatness too, come next year.
      Happy Holidays.

  2. Ngartia Avatar

    In the end, all you’ve got is you. And what you can do for you.

    1. Veon Ngugi Avatar
      Veon Ngugi

      – Kababa, 2017.????

  3. Wanjira Avatar

    Just read one of your 2014 posts (my two cents?) where you say you want to dye your hair grey and then I see your featured pic for this post and I’m like???… Close enough ????.

    Anyway, hate that state of just existing. Everything is so bland. And there’s no end in sight. Hope you find your way out of the darkness. In snippets at first… Then hopefully completely.

    1. Veon Ngugi Avatar
      Veon Ngugi

      Wow! 2014, grey hair was such a dream! Might just get it purely for my mum’s reaction.

      It can weight you down so much, especially because there’s really no formula for getting out of that funk but I think there’s finally a light.

      Thank you for stopping by. ????

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